I’d first like to say that, as usual, to help guide and develop our children’s health we need to make sure we start with our own. The perfect example of this: if the oxygen mask comes down while flying on an airplane, you must put it on yourself first before your child. Why? Because if you pass out trying to put your child’s mask on first, you’re all gone.
Your own emotional home affects everyone you come into contact with, especially those close around us, including our children. Furthermore, we can often take our own frustrations out on our loved ones, and again this includes our children.
Parenting is hard. For me personally, it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, and sometimes I just don’t know what the right advice is to give. Children crave our time and attention, but in this forever more demanding world where both parents have to work to make ends meet, it’s becoming more difficult.
In our house there are battles, arguments and even the odd war. I am far from being a perfect parent (whatever that looks like), and I know every child/circumstance is different, but here are 12 tips to maybe help your child and their health:
1. Get help
I bought @thebiglifejournal and it just changed my relationship with my daughter. There are so many takeaways from this book – from sharing your own mistakes with your children, to helping explain that everyone is different. It’s an absolutely fantastic book and all schools would benefit from adding this to their daily practice. They also send me weekly updates with parenting tips and webinars with really good advice. Photos attached are me and Delilah working through the book, which included throwing a family disco 🪩 💃 🕺
I have also attended @amymccread webinars. Full of useful parenting tools. Hiring a life coach could also help manage your family life.
2. Work with your partner (if you have one)
Don’t form alliances with your children behind your partner’s back. This could lead to requesting things from your child that aren’t age-appropriate. You and you partner are the main bond of the family and work together to make decisions and set boundaries.
3. The 3 S rule
How much does your child have of the following:
Sugar, Screen Time, Sleep. Do a weekly diary of this and add in their movement/exercise. I personally think, no matter where your child is at, if they increase their movement throughout the day, decrease their sugar intake and screen time (especially at night), their sleep will become better, leading to a healthier child (sugar and screen time is an ongoing battle in our household).
4. Comparing
Comparing our children to our own upbringing or to a sibling. Again, I’m fully guilty of this one. “It didn’t do us any harm,” (he says, while simultaneously spending thousands on therapy getting over addictions). We can’t compare living in different eras – the world is changing every day, and we have to change with it to survive. This includes our parenting.
5. Fear
The two primary fears in life:
- You’re not enough
- You won’t be loved
These fears remain throughout our lives, and so comparing a child to their high achieving sibling isn’t the best method. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” How would you feel if your child asked you the same question?
6. Over-protecting
We’re not helping our children’s mental health when we try to protect them from everything bad that can happen. Given that risk and stressors are part of life, we should help our children develop, grow and learn from life experiences.
7. Everyone is different
There is no rule book – let your chid be your child, whoever that might be. Yes, guide and set boundaries, but I think sometimes we can force our own views and beliefs onto our children, but it just might not be their thing. Our children aren’t us.
8. Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had
Give them unconditional love no matter what and let them know they are enough.
9. Forget what everyone else thinks
Nobody knows your family’s story or your child’s. So what if they don’t get good grades at school? If they aren’t academically clever and aren’t good at exams, it’s not the end of the world. Work on their strengths, support them and help them build a future. Reassure them that they have other strengths that only they have.
10. Take responsibility
This isn’t blaming yourself. Like our parents, we are doing the best we can, but reflect on where we have gone wrong and be honest with what we could have done better. Being truthful and not blaming the world can help you adapt your own parenting skills and help put some things right. Has your child picked up any bad habits up from mirroring you?
11. Let children show their emotions
“Don’t cry,” “Don’t shout,” “You’re ok,” etc. I used these all of the time, but looking back, this wasn’t right. Your child’s emotions matter, and trying to stop them from showing that emotion isn’t the answer. Understanding your child’s emotions with your child is a better approach.
12. Labelling
The why? Why do you want your child to be labelled? Do you talk in front of them like they are broken and need fixing? Those are limiting beliefs and the subconscious brain keeps repeating “I am…”
This doesn’t just mean labelling a child with the likes of ADD, it could be something as simple as: ‘they’re no good at sports, it’s just not their thing.’
The parents believe this and then the child grows into adulthood thinking that they can’t ‘do’ physical activities as they were born somewhat different and it’s just not in their genes. This, like many of the above points, is taken into adulthood.
Limiting beliefs, the fear of not being loved, the fear of not being enough, not understanding or loving one’s self, not being able to be yourself, not being able to show your own emotions, working yourself into the ground, not being able to stay still, always having to be doing something, people pleasing, unable to say no, unable to say yes, worrying what other people think, believing you have to behave in a certain way to be noticed, not allowing yourself to be vulnerable… The list goes on, but these are the things stopping adults having the life they want and desire. Most of these are formed in childhood.
